I message people sometimes and forget about it pretty quickly no matter how much I liked their profile. I'm only going to remember you if you message me back. The only time I start to get into someone if is we have a couple of messages back and forth and it looks like we might meet, but that's regardless of whether I messaged first or the guy did. I would be really disappointed if I found out someone went on a date with me out of some sort of guilty feeling of obligation.
I message lots of people on dating sites. If every single guy who wasn't into me wrote to explain that I would just cry. Once you've met, it's polite to respond. I hate being ignored when I message someone, so I don't do that to guys that make an honest attempt to reach out to me. I was looking at my OKC inbox last night and realized that over the years I had skipped over a not-small amount of messages Some even from interesting people but maybe not interesting enough to date. Thought it would be fun to write back just for the heck of it.
One thing that doesn't seem so bad to do is to write a short note back, minimal, kind and acknowledging but fail to invite any follow-up by not asking questions. Works for me more often than not, but I might not have OP's natural magnetism. Not very many women in our culture are forward enough to ask for the date themselves for better and for worse usually for worse.
If they do, ain't nothing wrong with a straight forward, kind rejection. I'm not interested in that way, you know? Hope you find someone who is!
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- How to politely decline people on internet dating sites? - etiquette | Ask MetaFilter.
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The courage to ask is rare and deserves to be nurtured if only for the sake of the next guy who might appreciate the message. The idea that one shouldn't waste one's time or others' time on dates with folks who aren't perfect matches is kind of silly, too.
Go out if you want to go out and don't go out if you don't want to go out. Obligations and expectations on first dates are for the birds. I don't believe in ignoring perfectly friendly people, whether in person or online. They're real people, even if it's the internet. However, it's also really important to be as straightforward as possible. As others have mentioned, saying a clear, polite "No, but thank you. Personally, I would preempt the IRL issue.
In your profile, include a one-liner along the lines of, I feel uncomfortable dating people I know through friends so don't take it personally if I don't respond for that reason. This gets you off the hook with the least amount of hurt feelings. It seems super weird to me to messages someone you know in real life on an online dating site. If you already know the person, maybe just That said, I think it would be weird to just ignore a message from someone you know and will be interacting with in the future.
For those who have emailed you thus far, I would respond briefly with one of the excellent suggestions above.
How to Politely Decline a Date via Text
For the future, I would put a notation on my profile that says something like: Match does, but it doesn't stop the truly persistent. I honestly think you should go with what's most comfortable, OP. There's a lot of variance between what the other person "might" want, here, and you've stated that you feel uncomfortable just not replying. I do not think you should suck it up and go on dates you don't want to. Rejection sucks, and some people take it more to heart than others.
I think "Hey, I don't think we'd be a good romantic match, but let's get together sometime and bitch about how awkward online dating is" or some version thereof is acceptable. But there are folks out there who are alright with no response, too. There is really nothing you can do to control how people feel about being told "no.
I don't recommend doing this for women who have met you offline, because A at some point you may meet or make an acquaintance you might like to get to know in that way; B it can come across as dickish. Take that with how ever many grains of salt you like; and C It likely will not stop anyone nor will it prevent someone from feeling some kind of way about it. If the email seems genuine and personal, I believe you do owe that person the favor of a response.
By going on a dating website and posting a profile, you ARE soliciting people to contact you if they are interested. Ignoring someone is never the polite thing to do, it's just the easiest thing to do and lots of people make that mistake. But nice people putting themselves out there and taking a shot that you'll be interested? The nicest thing you can do is be nice back, even if it is simply a standard brush-off.
But no, you don't owe anyone any more than that. See what people are like and to test your initial judgements. Do not go on dates with people you are not interested in dating -- that is awkward at best and potentially disastrous at worst. Meeting someone for a coffee and an hour of chat is fine: And as you mention that in some cases you know these women already, it would seem bizarre to refuse to meet them for a coffee.
Do not ignore people simply because you feel they are of no use to you. It may turn out that you approached a girl who already has a boyfriend. Some women are bold enough to turn down your offer giving a real reason while some may start making up polite plausible explanations. A man asks you out on a date but he is not the man you would like to go out with. Just collect your thoughts and be straightforward. The sooner you clarify the situation, the sooner he can move on. If your main concern is how to turn down a date without hurting his feelings, an option of lying becomes more tempting.
However, coming up with a non-existent boyfriend or husband is not a good idea, especially if the rejected man ever finds the truth. If you want to avoid a date in the most painless way, compliment your admirer.
This will cushion your further words and save him from vain hopes. Be and sound sincere. If you say you are very busy now, it means you are hinting that you are ready to meet later. This is another way to make a man expect something bigger.
Many men swallow this bait and become friends with a woman they like hoping to bring their relationships to a romantic dimension one day. Some men need feedback when it comes to dating. If you rejected him and he asks for the explanation, you have the right to ignore his request. You are trying to be nice while declining his offer to go out and your subconsciousness makes your mouth smile.
How to Politely Decline a Date via Text
Remember that your smiling face can mean to him that you are flirting. Otherwise, he may think he still has a chance and needs to put more effort. Having a first date with a person is like testing the waters. Although dating counselors always advise to have a second date to double check your feelings, sometimes it becomes clear from the very first minutes of the date number one that you are with the wrong person and this date will be the last.
There are two possible ways how to say no to a date. You can say it face to face in the end of your first date or you can agree to meet again and then text or call him next day to say the truth. When we feel that no true effort was put into contacting us, we are not required to put in the effort to respond.
Similarly, you do not need to respond if you feel highly uncomfortable. This discomfort may result through demeaning language, inappropriate topics, or asking highly personal questions in the initial message. It may also arise from a bad feeling you get from their profile. However, it is important to distinguish between the discomfort of having to reject someone and the discomfort that comes with a clear overstepping of common boundaries or red flags in a profile.
This will require an inner honesty and for you to decide for yourself if you want to take this as an opportunity to push yourself towards moving through these uncomfortable situations with compassion and confidence. If someone has clearly spent time reading over your profile and has put an effort into composing a personalized message, they deserve some form of response.
Mind you, you are not obligated to thoroughly explain yourself. There are many reasons for why you may not be interested, such as not feeling attracted to their photographs, uninterested in their personal description, living too far apart, holding contrasting political or religious beliefs, or looking for different types of relationships. The list goes on. The best way to respond would be to thank them for reaching out, and offering a kind explanation. If you are not attracted to their photo and this is enough of a reason to support your disinterest, it would obviously be unkind to say so.