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- Fearless Dating 101: Lessons From A Substitute Teacher
- Can a substitute teacher have a relationship with 18 year old student? | Yahoo Answers
I think that someone who teaches elementary school to fight for the right to date ex students is especially outrageous. While your at it, maybe you could start looking up kids you used to babysit too if your looking for a potential mate. Again there's of them so no one will likely remember. However at that point I'll be 35 and dating a 21 year old is already too young for me. I also said I'd never date a student. Stop trying to ruin my Christmas you crusty bitch. I hope your 16 year old daughter dates a 45 year old truck driver and you get stuck raising her six bastards. Very inappropriate, wouldn't want you anywhere near 10 year olds, but what should I expect from a person who thinks its cool to date their students.
Your poor grammar makes me question your appropriateness as a teacher. Thanks for that pedantic concern. However, typing on the iPad does not always equal perfect grammar. For you, grammar correctness is on the same level as dating an ex-student. That is a scary thought. Ask your cooperating teacher someone with some actual teaching experience if dating an ex student is kosher. Maybe you could offend them with your nonchalant attitude towards inappropriate interactions with students. You might want to read this. So I'm a Puritan for thinking it's inappropriate to date a former student?
Not sure if you have children but I wonder if you would have the same Laissez faire attitude if it were YOUR child that was dating their high school science teacher even if it were 10 years after they graduated. You might begin to question whether they had those same feelings about your child during their teen years. We're not talking about children anymore though. The scenario we're talking about is a 30 year old teacher randomly meeting a 26 year old former pupil on a night out and striking up a romance, or something equivalent.
What's the problem there? Your attempt to shame OP with your "I question your ethics as a teacher" bullshit is proof enough. Wow, I really question the future of teaching with all the morally bankrupt comments I've seen here. I really hope that the majority of people who think it's fine are actually non-teacher trolls because if they are actual teachers, it's a shame. Which state do you teach in? So I can make sure that my children never come in contact with a predator such as yourself.
It's not predatory for a grown 20 something to date a 30 something former teacher of theirs. An adult dating another consenting adult is not a crime. And when your admin finds out about your "adult relationship" and you find yourself on the unemployment line, at least you'll have the former student to comfort you. I know that they can't fire you for dating an ex student but there are ways for admins to get people to resign who they don't want at the school.
If I was your admin I would not want a person who would date an ex-student on my staff. Good luck with finding your future husband in one of your classes though. OP said that he has a small age gap with his current students so it wouldn't be weird if 8 years from now, he ran into one of them and they hit it off and ended up dating. You're sitting here talking like he's luring students into his windowless panel van with candy and shoving a chloroform cloth over their faces.
Speaking of trolls, you're probably some fat, hairy bachelor that doesn't need to worry about having kids. You should be worrying about your own love-life. Ad hominem attacks are a clear indication that you have lost the argument, so thanks for that. Are you even a teacher? I'll be student teaching next semester, in CO, if you actually care. But in spite of my unwarranted attacks on your vehement character, the countless downvotes and rebuttal from others in this thread are an indicator that you are out of touch with the dominant teaching culture. I hope you can still see your penis under your gut, happy holidays ad hominem is my favorite fallacy: I can do this all day.
I'll look for you in the news. Feelings can not be helped. The fact the teacher did NOT take advantage when he could speaks more volumes for his character than if he had not had the feelings at all. What an odd morality check. So because something would've once been inappropriate based upon the roles it's always inappropriate? This is like saying that since it's inappropriate for a boss to date a subordinate fair enough therefore it's inappropriate for a person to date someone that was ever their subordinate even if ten years had passed.
What am I missing?
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Why is it immoral or inappropriate to date a fellow consenting adult that was once a student? The difference between your analogy is the fact that the boss-subordinate relationship began when both parties were adults. In contrast, the teacher-student relationship began when one person was underage. Even if there was no inappropriate behavior while the underage party was still in school, there would be questions as to the timeline of the relationship. No admin would want a teacher working in their schoo who had questionalble morals. I wouldn't feel comfortable working with someone who sees ex students as possible sexual partners.
Parents would be horrified at the situation.
Fearless Dating 101: Lessons From A Substitute Teacher
I still can't figure out why people are arguing so hard for the right to date their students. It shouldn't even be a consideration for a professional. Should it, absolutely not. So you see, your analogy is not valid. If a 40 year old teacher began a relationship with a 33 year old former student, no one in admin would care, the community would have no idea--nor would it be their business--and no one would question the timeline of the relationship. This isn't the town in Footloose. What are you talking about?
No one in this thread has advocated for dating their students. This line is nonsense and completely misrepresents the argument.
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Nothing you've said even attempts to explain why it's wrong. Hypothetical people being offended doesn't make it morally wrong. There is the way the world should work in which case, your logic would make perfect sense and there's the way the world actually works. People are gossips by nature and something as controversial as dating an ex student would get around fast. If you choose to date an ex student, go for it. But don't be surprised if others do not share your liberal philosophy of teacher-student dating.
Can a substitute teacher have a relationship with 18 year old student? | Yahoo Answers
Why risk your career for a relationship that will most likely go nowhere. It shows a lack of judgment in my opinion. Dating someone who is under your authority is never ethical, regardless of the situation. True informed consent is impossible under those circumstances. Also, it's not a career risk for a tenured teacher. An investigation may occur, true, but there is absolutely nothing anywhere that says you cannot date a former student, so the teacher's career is not in jeopardy at all.
As long as there is no evidence that the relationship started while the student was in the teacher's class, anyway. Yes, people would raise eyebrows. However, anyone willing to let raised eyebrows keep them from a fulfilling relationship deserves to be alone. A lot of first-time high school teachers are fresh out of college, which makes them 22,usually. A high school graduate is 18 in most cases, or on the cusp, so no, it's not weird That window closes very, very quickly. Also, from a professional standpoint, it's kind of grey.
It would be much worse if you made a habit of it. It would be totally unethical on my opinion to date them at that age. Even though the age between you is small, the power dynamic remains. I think you'd have to wait until the student had grown up and got their own adult life. I would much rather live a moral life than have some make believe votes, so yea, not really worried about that.
I don't care how many imaginary points I lose, the bottom line is that it's inappropriate to date a person who you taught. I see it as taking advantage of a position of power that was entrusted to you by the public. It also seems predatory because of the unequal power dynamic.
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The poster was talking about a gap of 8 years before it was "ok" to date a student. Not cool in my book. If it was a current student, then yes, what you said about power dynamics would absolutely be true. However, an 18yr old is an adult, and, as a teacher, you'd have no power over her. I think that's a bit naive to think that. This is the grey area that makes me feel uncomfortable about the whole situation. My first year teaching was for 10th grade. So about a 6 year age difference. I know several and I've been invited to baby showers and all sorts of things.
A group still invites me out to lunch when we're all in town. I've even had them come up to me at local bars drinking. I ran into a boy from class at the gym. He was turning 21 so I was probably 26 or 27 at the time. I won't lie, I thought a cute guy was checking me out. I was really making good time on the treadmill, too And that pretty much ruined it for me.
I can't see my kids as anything but. Even when they're married and have more kids than I do, it just seems weird to consider them adults. I mean as a student I see it as creepy and weird if they've just graduated, but if they come back five years later more mature and an ADULT, not a student, I don't see a problem with it. They're barely the same person they were years before that when they had the teacher for class, I'm guessing.
If they had gotten together right after graduation I would guess there had been something going on the whole time and that's sketchy. In the UK, by law a teacher cannot date a current student of any age and cannot date an ex-student below 18 mandatory education finishes at I know of teachers from when I was at school who dated students as soon as they left school and are now married with children. It's a little weird but people get over it. By mandatory education I meant at a recognised school. Once past 16 they can leave to be educated in another form.
I agree with the extra two years, personally. We have an entirely separate education system here in Scotland. Only mandatory to It's illegal for a current student, even one not in your class. After graduation, it's fair game, slimey as it may sound. Ethically, once the relationship of power is off the table, it's just two adults having fun.
Ethics does not dictate taste. From a perspective of professionalism, it is extremely unprofessional to carry on romantic relationships with current or former students. On paper, it looks bad. If documented in some kind of civil or media action, it can end your career. So it's important not to put yourself at risk professionally.
It is, in most circles, unethical. That being said, I know a teacher who taught a student music from the time she was a high school senior, or maybe junior - I'm honestly not sure. She graduated and was then invited back to instruct a year or more later. In secret, they began a relationship.
At work, they stayed professional and discreet. They married a year later. Then the cat was out of the bag, but marriage sent a message that it was a serious personal decision and not a flippant foolery of professional indiscretion. They have a baby now. They both work in the same school system as well. I'm fairly sure this could have gone another way had administrators wanted to fire this teacher. But the administration really supports them both and really wants to do whatever they can to keep them because the program is running so successfully with their leadership.
So, there's more than just ethics involved. In this day and age, it's not just about ethics exclusively. If you are on the chopping block already, dating a former student could definitely give a willing administrator the ammunition to go after you. So, I would advise against it.
I would never do something like this, but it's how my parents met in the 80s, so I can't really judge. I graduated with over 1, classmates. I was just a face in the crowd. I barely knew my teachers. There were so many. If one of those teachers ended up dating someone I had gone to school with it wouldn't be a big deal. You said that you graduated with 1, classmates, barely knew your teachers, and if one of your teachers dated a student it wouldn't have been a big deal.
Your logic is thus Your actual words were "if one of those teachers ended up dating someone I had gone to school with it wouldn't be a big deal. You might not think that anyone would find out but when you begin working in schools you will realize that the teachers gossip more than the students. Eventually, it will get back to a person who may not share your liberal attitudes towards teacher-student relationships and you will have to face some serious consequences. You would also lose a lot of credibility with other staff members, that I can promise. I've been in the schools a long time.
I'm saying how can it be a problem for a 30 year old to date a 35 year old that don't even remember each other? What if they or anyone else never even realized they used to be their teacher? But if they're graduated and over 18 it's legal. But seriously, dating an 18 year old with all the drama, immaturity, inexperience?
I don't understand the appeal. There ain't no way I'm dealing with a sub 23 year old's bullshit in a relationship. I've known some pedo-bears who've dated high school students. What kind of person finds a teenager emotionally attractive? I do have a friend who dated someone who was a student at the rival school of where he student taught, after they had both finished.
They were from small town Midwest, and some of the locals tried to launch a criminal investigation. The couple are happily married now. I know several people who have had relationships across the lines in college. All of them ended well, even if they broke up. When I was , I dated someone who was during the course of the relationship.
I didn't realize how gross it was until I hit my mid-twenties. I have no idea how an adult can listen to an S. My English teacher is such a bitch. I had friends who did the same thing in high school and I could never understand how they didn't see the situation as being really goddamn creepy. I approached subbing as a continuation of my education. I went into each class not concerned about it being a "good" day or "bad," but only with the anticipation of walking out with a lesson that would ultimately make me a better teacher once I had my own classroom.
I decided to address dating the same way I had approached those anonymous classes as a substitute teacher. Instead of putting pressure on myself to find a relationship, I enjoyed each date for what it was: I had no expectations of each encounter, apart from it adding to my ever-growing library of relationship knowledge and skills. It did not matter if we hit it off or suffered from endless awkward silences. There were messages to be found in both. I learned how to tell if a man is insecure, regardless of the cloaks he uses to hide his fears.
I asked pointed questions, listening carefully to the answers and learning about relationships in the process. I heard stories of why a man had never married or what caused his marriage to collapse. I saw patterns and profiles and filed them away for future reference. I learned how to show affection without smothering, how to communicate excitement without overwhelming. After coming out of a marriage that was characterized by deception that I had been unaware of, I used the dates to tune my internal lie detector.
I practiced checking for inconsistencies in stories and reality and found a balance between turning a blind eye my mistake in the past and snooping something that repulsed me. Just like substitute teaching is a time for "trying on" different age groups and subjects, dating was a time of exploration for me as well. I dated architects and artists, introverted engineers and charismatic performers. I saw young men and older, taller and shorter, richer and poorer. I had no "ideal" composed in my head; I accepted each man as he was, even if he was only in my life for a minute latte.
I learned to appreciate different views and different types of intelligence. I began to look beneath the initial outward veneer that we all display to the world. As I grew more tolerant of others, I also learned to soften towards myself. I did not master teaching after just a few substitute assignments in fact, after 10 years of teaching, I am still learning more every day , but I did improve with each stint in the classroom.
Again, I took that approach with me into the dating realm. I signed up for Match. I often went out every day of the week, mostly for coffee or a walk in the park, opening myself to new lessons and new experiences.