- 'How I found out my partner was gay'
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- 'How I found out my partner was gay' - BBC News
While he could pass for 28, his maturity is evident to me. The men I have dated who were closer to my age deflected or ghosted when emotions were put on the table. My friends roll their eyes at me. I retort that we follow each other on Instagram. When I asked what the problem was, he laughed that he thought he might have put in his address by mistake.
And then there are the other things. The things I know are just stereotypes that I should ignore.
'How I found out my partner was gay'
He sometimes wears leggings and is always in black briefs—not boxer briefs, just briefs. He has body-image issues. He bought a cock ring with me. Does he seem interested in how they came out to their parents, or what other people's reactions were? Similarly, does he bring up people's sexuality a lot? Does he talk about how this or that person at his job turned out to be gay?
Does he mention gay family members of his a lot? He may be interested because he himself is gay or bisexual, but may not know it yet, or simply doesn't know how to express it. Of course, if he only talks about these things occasionally, he could just be a curious guy. Human beings like to gossip about the sexuality of others. This could mean several things. For one, your boyfriend could be asexual or he might just not be attracted to you anymore for a variety of reasons. People change and so do their tastes. Just because he's ignoring you temporarily or distracted with other things, doesn't necessarily mean he's uninterested you, either.
However, if he never really seemed that into touching you, even in the beginning of your relationship when you're supposed to be in a honeymoon period, then something is probably wrong. This sign by itself doesn't mean he's gay, but coupled with some of the other signs, it can be telling. Also keep in mind that an absence of this sign doesn't always mean he's not into men, either. In other words, he could be mostly gay, but enjoy sex with women to some extent—or he could be bisexual but more on that later. Sex in the relationship might have died down for many other factors as well — including other relationship problems, work schedules, boredom, and so on.
Let's say you take a look at his Facebook profile and notice that there's lots of different men on there. You also notice that a lot of them seem gay. Maybe you notice that a lot of them aren't mutual friends with you, and in fact you had no idea that he knew these people.
Even worse, if you discover that he has more than one account and has been hiding one from you, this is a definite sign that there's something he isn't telling you. If you notice that his second account has a friends list filled with dozens of strange men, then this is extremely suspicious and you should consider confronting him on this alone. Finally--and worst of all--if you find out that he has a profile on a gay dating site, then this is a glaring, giant, neon sign.
Obviously, this one seals the deal. No man joins a gay dating app or site "just for laughs. The paranoia will drive you crazy. The fact that it is with a man is secondary. He has breached your trust. You might feel differently, of course. The sooner you just talk to your boyfriend about it, the better. This will help establish the difference between reality and the stories that your mind might have concocted.
Even that person himself may not know. There is still a huge stigma against being gay. He might not have the courage to come out or he may even be in denial. Your boyfriend could also be bisexual. Many people dismiss this notion and just assume that any man who likes other men must be gay, but that's simply not true. There are plenty of men who are bisexual. They are just less willing to admit it than women are—for obvious reasons. If the fact that he's bi doesn't bother you and he isn't cheating , then there's probably no reason to confront him about it unless you're willing to embarrass him.
We all have our random sexual preferences, and you're probably dreaming if you think that those preferences begin and end with you. His being attracted to both men and women is no different than if he was into blondes as well as redheads. As long as he stays true to you, what does it matter? Approach him in a non-judgmental way , and you're much more likely to get the truth out of him. There are many reasons he might have not told you.
You might be angry, but try to remember that this is someone you care about. Of course if you bring it up and he completely denies it, but you continue to see glaring signs, it might be time to rethink the relationship. Reams, Richard H, Ph. Accessed September 2, If you suspect that your boyfriend is secretly gay, or have recently discovered that he is, leave a comment below with your story. Maybe it could help someone else. Talking with gay guys doesn't make you necessarily gay. Are they just his friends? Is he getting naked? Too many unknowns here. My boyfriend has a secret fishing buddy that he only hangs out with when I'm away.
He told me he was a "bear" but didn't think I would Google it. He also told me his buddy is a "power bottom. What should I do? The first part was starting to sound a bit like Brokeback Mountain, but seriously if he's saying things like, "I'm a bear, and my special buddy is a power bottom," then he's basically telling you, "Hey, I'm bi. As far as what to do, it's up to you. Would you be okay with a partner who is bi? I'm assuming he is bi since he's with you as well as his "special friend. My husband watches gay porn instead of having sex with me on a regular basis. What do I do? There's nothing you can really do if someone is gay.
While not everyone who watches gay porn is gay or even bi , if that's ALL he watches, and he prefers to watch that instead of having sex with you, it's quite telling. He could also be addicted to porn; some hardcore addicts watch videos that don't match their actual orientation simply because it can be more taboo and stimulating. If you suspect he is addicted, see about getting him professional help. Of course, he could also be gay. I have no idea if he's gay, but playing video games with other guys instead of hanging out with you does NOT make him automatically gay.
It just means he likes video games. Okay now, this is an interesting question, because the answer in some circumstances could actually be that no, he might not be gay. Some people VERY few people have a fetish where they are humiliated by being "made" to do gay things, but they're not actually attracted to the same sex at all.
The only reason they like doing it is that it embarrasses them because they are precisely NOT gay , and they find the embarrassment arousing. In this case, the fact that he's not gay is exactly why he would like having gay sex. He could also just simply be gay. That's a more likely possibility since this fetish is uncommon. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. My family member is dating this girl and he acts tough infront of his friends and other family but being alone with him he act more feminine and flonts around sits and lays like a girl he has gay guys phone numbers and sends and recieves homosexual pitcures and says oh now look what he sent me he is crazy he works out and wears tight pants and shirts and grooms his self up especially his hair and darez anyone too touch it he plays gay music with me all the time and he seems to start setting closet too me all the time and talkes to me as i go into a public restroom as i am using it he has just started too talk to this girl but does not seem to be excited about it he talks about how she lookd and that is it he talked the firdt tome out with her for three hours and then said she does not talk much but keeps talking too her but then when we are alone he gets a little feminine again does this mean he wants to come out s little and should i try to ask him cause i am attracked yo him.
I have a close friend that I think maybe bi I have a foot fetish and like males touching my feet when I put my feet near his foot he just leaves it there and doesn't move.
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I have 3 seater couch and he sits right next to me I would have thought if he was bi at least he would sit as far away as he could. My partner has a 23 year old step son. When watching TV I lay with my head on my partners lap and he has one arm over me and his other hand is holding the stepsons hand and he constantly has the thumb rubbing up and down his stepsons hand.
He tells me he is just affectionate with his stepson but I find this uncomfortable. Sex has changed and he doesn't stay erect and tells me that it's because he has either masterbated earlier in the day and it takes a few days for him to be able to get recovered enough to get turned on. He very rarely comes when we do have sex. I love him and he says he loves me but I don't think he is being honest.
He is in his early 50s. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now n we're planning to get married after 6 months. I went to his phone n saw his chat with his best friend I don't knw why I even opened it but all they talk abt is some guy crotch n eggplant emoji n sucking his dick I'm so confused I mean he's my first love we're talking abt kids n all that I feel like I'm going crazy there's no one I can talk to please tell me that it is a nasty joke guys have with eachother.
I am a girl, and I have a boyfriend. He's a sensitive guy which does not tell anything meaning he cried when there's a bit of touching movie, story, etc. Surprisingly, it matches almost all of your description above except for the social media one, he took a lot of selfies with quite a lot of filters, does it count? And how about the touchy thing with other man, he often put his arm around shoulder on a particular guy, giving him soft massages, put his head on the back of his neck, asked this guy to hold his hands because it's cold, borrowed his jacket, and once he smelled this guy body?
But he said that he is very comfortable with me and he seemed that way because we moved in together, he give me a hickey sometimes not sex because I already said that I will save my virginity until marriage, but don't really show romantic affection in public setting. And about the homophobic thing, I was quite relieved at first that he don't want to join the outing with gay colleagues, but this article got me thinking.
He is always curious about one of the gay guys Instagram comments section and said it was disgusting, and commenting on others on coming out as bi-sexual. Plus he's always saying that he probably don't want to get married and just to have partner instead, does that count as indication of gayness? He seems to have this love-hate relationship with this guy, for one thing, although he did the touchy thingy, he chose to spend a lot of time with me than with the guy, however, if he had a perfect encounter, the "seemingly friendly gestures" to this guy showed.
My boyfriend actually told the guy that he pleasure himself if the guy begging for forgiveness in a way that he is being spoiled by the guy, which is a bit odd in every sense.
What makes me hold unto his straight is that the guy that he's flirting is not attractive based on appearance only. And he's not that kind either. My boyfriend and I have had an issue of sex and the lack of for a while. We argue like two women and he sometimes tries to talk like a woman. Just the thought that I am entertaining the thought is enough.
I just need confirmation. Was boyfriend was into guys before he got with me a female he can never keep it up when we do try is it me is it because im not a man My boyfriend is very touchy with guys and he use to feel uncomfortable when guys talk to him and sometimes i felt that he is a bi the way he talk and look at bis guy friend also is so diffrnt like there is something behind i dnt no wat to do but he has had many ex gf and he use to ditch me with ma h girls also im so confuse if he is really a bi or im wrong pls help.
A lot of people are talking about this girl and everyone around her think his boyfriend ir gay. She is really close to me and I fell I need to tell her or she could end up like Grace and Frankie. Honestly, it just sounds like he has a good friend. You can have a close relationship with someone, one that includes emotional intimacy, and not have it be sexual at all.
In our society, the moment two people be they same-sex or opposite-sex friends have a deep connection, it's automatically seen as romantic. This is a shame because it keeps us from getting closer to our friends without other people getting suspicious, especially when it's two men. Just because two men love each other and enjoy each other's company, doesn't mean that it's romantic and that it's automatically gay.
You can love someone platonically. Personally, I have several close relationships with other men, and these relationships are usually not sexual or romantic at all. It sounds like you're just kind of jealous that he has an emotional connection with someone who isn't you. This is fairly common. In fact, I've had a close friend before where his wife was very jealous even though there was nothing like that between he and I.
Maybe your husband is gay or bi, but more than likely he's not because most people are not. Even if he is, though, there's nothing wrong with him having a close friendship with another guy and being happy to see him. It's probably not sexual. Don't let your jealousy start spinning tales in your mind. If you find the other guy's presence annoying for other reasons, then of course have a talk with your husband, but be mindful that you are probably feeling possessive, and this will bias you.
I have been having this gut feeling that my hisband maybe gay or bisexual. For starters, I have never been in such close approximate with homosexuals until him. Of course everyone know gay people. I have hung out with a few of them. But he had two separate sets of homosexual people stay at our house. We supposedly rent out a room for a lesbian lady.
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Then he had 2 gay males couple stay at our house for 1. He claim he had 2 friends in town visting. And come to find out they were both gay, why couldn't they get a hotel? At that point we had downsize to a 1 bedroom, so they were practically sleeping in my livingroom.
He is 30 years old, but is always inviting other men to our house to smoke pot. There is this one guy who have been coming consistently. His only friend at the moment. They work together all day, come home and smoke together for hours. At the beginning he used to come home with the guy, smoke from 6pm Mind you I go to bed at 9: This will happen at least 3 days a week, so I wouldn't even see them. I don't allow smoking in the house and I don't smoke. And then the one day we have off together Saturday the guy at our house all day playing video and smoking. He cook for the guy, while the guy rave about how good his rice is.
His demeanor also change when the guy is there. He brag about how, he is so happy to see him etc. And I am standing right there. And when I go to work on Sundays, I come home to this man once again at my house like wtf! My byfriend takes a a lot of feminine postures. When he talks he moves his hands more like a ladies do. He never compliments other women, even when i do expecting to hear his opinion.
He compliments men instead, the first thing he notices on a guy is wether they are handsome or not and even talks about it with me. Do i have to worry if he is gay or its a normal thing that some men do? Does his social media following have alot to do with it? He has openly gay men following him My guy will eventually leave me for a guy.
He is into all things gay and acts like a queen. He wants to be treated 'like a princess' and keeps snogging guys. This article is very naive. I wasn't sure but seemed I felt there is like a fiber that he is somewhat gay after learning it from her sister that he was then I found out one time when we visited his male friend I saw in his actions that he was so happy meeting him as like a long lost lover.. My boyfriend talks to a lot of gay guys He plays video games as well with some gays and straights and they talk very innapropriate He is also very feminine.
He also hates gay men and is uncomfortable around gay men which is wierd. Maybe it is just that my conversation is lacking. I am wondering that my bf might be gay or bi?
Not sure how to approach the subject without hurting, insulting him or making him angry? Maybe I should just walk instead. My boyfriend watches gay porn, and I mean a lot of it. I asked him to stop watching porn, and today I found tons more in his search history. Not any female-male porn at all. My boyfriend jokes about being gay a lot He says I'm gay too Is he abusive or a homosexual? Whenever he sees a gay male couple, he seems obsessed with looking at them.
He starts touching his lips and neck. He seems to try not to stare, but, keeps looking over. If we're in a restaurant, he'll turn his chair slightly away from me, and towards their table, so that he can keep looking over at them. I've asked him subtly about this, but, he always denies that he's interested in anyone but me.
He used make homophobic comments, but, has finally stopped, due to peer pressure. He always wants to go to male gay movies. Yes because of how he acts around his guy friends,and all ways nice to them more than his wife. My ex always hated gay men. He was narcissistic and when i was friends with my current boyfriend he always made comments about his blonde hair and blue eye swedish decent and about the light shining out of his swedish ass.
He would sit very close to our daughters boyfriend with his leg crossed bouncing it up and down and giggling about something on his cell phone. He got a gift for his friend at works son and told his friend that my daughter has a crush on him, and she never did but i think it was my ex that had a crush on his work friend.
His work friend also had blonde hair and blue eyes. I have a boyfriend. At the first time, i dont think that he is gay. But after I upload my picture with him in my media sosial, there are some my friend especially boy ask to me "he is normal? Since my friend asking about it, i have try to get information. He get study at one of university of UK. Then i get from his media sosial some picture when he get study.
He join with one of gay club there. And I look there are so many picture of him and his friend. And at that picture, so many picture he hug with his friend. What do you think? Literally broke up with the guy because he seemed sooo gay, girly overall, he called his mom HUN and got off on taking selfies of himself I've actually confronted my boyfriend about him being gay and he just laughs and says things like "I'm comfortable with myself and I know what I want or I can't believe you actually think that way of me" But something in me just tells me he might be gay. Specially his homophobic side.
Confronting him has got me no where. I just know he won't admit it.. My bf is totally gay It's really hard for me to come to terms with it all.. I feel so alone. For 5 yrs the guy that was supposed to be my life partner has hooked up other men from craigslist just about every other month. I suspected him to be gay the 1st week. It didnt bother me but the deception did. Im about an 8 on the scale of attractiveness. He'll actually turn to the side when passing by me if I'm naked in the bathroom so he doesnt touch me.
The same way a straight guy might do in the locker room. Hes turned me down a couple of times for sex. He actually called into work 1 day in order to go see some guy he contacted from CL that morning.
So, yes, hes Gay. Been with my fella for 2 years now and found him on fabswingers taking to men dressed up as woman so i confronted him and he told me he thought they was woman so i forgave him but recently ive found gay pornsites on my history im so confused does this mean he bi? He started out in this 4 year relationship just crazy head over heels in love with me. Spoiled me with his attention then I had life changing event. Our intimacy has gone totally out the door. I found on his phone several texts that were very inappropriate for a person in a relationship.
They obviously have a relationship going on and a good one. Queen told him what he was going to have done when he got there after work. That explains why he never had any vacation time for our family. If a man doesn't like homosexual activity around him that does not mean he's gay or homophobic My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. At first it was cheating with various girls, but then I went through his email and found he had been using Craigslist and apps to sext prostitues and couples looking for men to join them.
He did end up hooking up with a prostitute during a business trip, but I forgave him and he sought counseling. Still with counseling, he is still using Craigslist and sexting pictures of himself. Over time he has seemed less and less interested in me. Last night he asked me to have a threesome with another guy. I find this especially odd since I consider him somewhat homophobic. Sorry, but if he led you on he is a bad person. No matter if it was with another woman or a guy.
Bad people lead on other people not good people, obviously I f he didn't know in the beginning of the relationship he has to tell his girlfriend as soon as he finds out. And if he a husband - he would have to resist the temptation of other women too, so this is the same category. I had his phone and was of course going through it cause he talks to many females My boyfriend and I were close friends for a really long time before dating and during those times he would get really really close with our other guy friends. I just always thought he was joking around and just having fun but now I think he was having a little too much fun.
You're right to find this kind of weird. Unless he's really, REALLY good friends with this guy, then probably some kind of transaction is going on between them. It is certainly possible he may be having sex with this guy, or is at least stringing the guy along making him think that he's going to get something. Well, it certainly sounds like he's in denial about something.
Usually when people get defensive, there's some shame involved. He might be gay or bi and not want to admit it to himself Indeed, it sounds like your boyfriend might be bi and he wants to explore that part of himself again. If you don't have a problem with it seems like the two of you already have no problem engaging with multiple partners , then I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just make sure he knows to always use protection.
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I've asked him about it and he just cusses me out about it. They're not related the man is actually 42 and my bf is He has and stronge smell came from his butt befor shower and after shower he always on the toilets don't like to be touch no cuddled no conversation with me only happy around men very loud so people notic him expressly men delete all male callers etc He has all the signs and more to it. I always thought he was cheating or gay. But apparently he just might be both.
My high school boyfriend and I were each other's first, both late bloomers and neglected kids. He had sexual encounters as a youth with a boy neighbor. His 19 year marriage to an older frigid woman ended in divorce after we reunited. It's been 5 years and he is very attracted to men who look like him and wants to be with a man.
We have sex on overdrive and attend swingers events and parties as exhibitionist. He wants to have sex with every woman there and now men, but hasn't yet. Last night he commented that he would like to be with a man when I next leave for a weekend. I'm thinking he is bi but not sure.
'How I found out my partner was gay' - BBC News
Do not date this man again. Jesus, this guy did all of this to you--even gave you a disease--and you're still just concerned about the fact that he might be gay? Since I don't know him personally, there's no way to know if he's really gay. From what you describe, I personally would assume he's neither gay nor straight--plenty of people are somewhere in between. However, as I said, there's no way you or I can know for sure. Only he knows that. The fact that he was increasingly impotent probably has nothing to do with his sexuality, though.
He's an older guy, which means his testosterone levels might have taken a dive. This hormone is essential for his performance. Supplements don't really help this much; only direct administration of testosterone will raise his levels significantly. Also, he takes nervous system depressants like alcohol on a regular basis. This combo of age and drug abuse will almost certainly make any guy have performance issues.
You deserve more than the way that he treated you. If he's addicted to drugs, the drugs will always come first for him. It sounds like he doesn't have every high standards for his life, so why would he have high standards for your relationship? Having unprotected sex with him especially in the back entrance, which is more dangerous is a bad idea as well, especially if you suspect that he's been fooling around. Extra especially if you suspect that he has been fooling around with other men with no protection.
Just don't do it. There are nice men out there who would be happy to be in a committed relationship with you and wouldn't run around doing drugs or two-timing you. The first issue I see here is that if he made those appointments during your relationship not before you got together , then he cheated. That's a bigger problem than his being with a trans lady.
Unless you have an open relationship or something. To answer your question, though, lots of guys find trans women to be taboo and exciting. Believe it or not, most of those guys are straight. The vast majority, in my experience. I've known many, many trans women, and most of their boyfriends are straight. I've also known a few trans ladies who were working girls, such as the kind your boyfriend might have visited, and most of their customers are straight men. If you think about it, it kind of makes sense: Gay guys are interested in men, not women. It's uncommon, in my experience, for a gay guy to be attracted to any kind of woman, transsexual or otherwise.
Though it does occasionally happen. So most guys who are into trans women are straight, and some might be bi. Like you said, it is sometimes true that a closeted gay guy might try to experiment at first with a trans woman if he's in denial. However, if he really is gay and only interested in men, he probably wouldn't do this multiple times. Being with a trans woman is a very different experience from being with a man, and most gay men would not find it too exciting. But i guess got scared of reality and we ended up together almost 5 years.
The reason we aren't together is he had numerous affairs and my gut says that they all weren't just with women. But he still days hes straight. Hes 40 years old 3 kids 3 different mommas and never bern married. I was to blind to see all his red flags. I have been with my man for almost 3 years. The first time we decided to have sex he apologized to me due to his inability to get and maintain an erection. I just figured first time performance issues. We moved in together soon after and not only did this issue continue but the frequency of attempts at having sex diminished greatly.
He continued to have erection problems all the time. He was affectionate at times. He was getting high and we figured his impotence was due to that. Then the drinking became prevalent and the impotency became a huge problem. It was very frustrating in the bedroom trying over and over with no results. He was at least providing oral sex to me until he matter of factly stated one night while in bed as he was performing oral sex on me that he didn't like it at all.
Up until this point I just chalked it up to the drinking and drugs. He had also gone to the doctor to get help. He received a prescription for Cialis which I was more than happy to purchase.
He also tried using some testosterone supplements to help. He said he would try it but when I would suggest that we finally try it out, he would drink to, I believe to prevent its effectiveness. I have to backtrack a bit, in the beginning he was not at all embarrassed by showing off his body in all its glory to me. We are both in our 50's. He is very fit and I had just lost 70 lbs but still insecure about my body and being my first relationship in over 10 years, it was reasonable. Well, as I said he loved prancing around showing off.
However I started to become concerned when as he was showing off he would be admiring himself in the mirror and then turn his back to the mirror, spread open his butt cheeks and say so proudly what a gorgeous asshole he had. He did this almost daily. I became concerned and thoughts started to swirl around in my head with ideas that I didn't want to believe.
Not too long after that he told me about sexual encounters that he had had with a gay male neighbor when he was about My boyfriend stated that he partook in this activity quite a few times. He said that it was strictly for the money. At this point we had been together for about a year and I loved him so much that I really was mixed up about what to think but I wasn't willing to let our relationship fail because of something that happened so long ago, but his behavior was very disconcerting to me.